BLOG

I looked over my shoulder and fear shocked me like I’d shuffled around in wool socks on shag carpet for a whole month and then licked my finger and touched a metal door knob.

“We would look so fab glam with first place gold medals draped around our necks. Like here’s your passport,” she made a stamping motion with one hand, “and now you’re in Paris walking down a runway with a giant purple hat that looks like an octopus made out of ping...

Mom and Dad said the news was sensationalized to push our lizard brain’s buttons. That it brainwashed people into thinking the world was a terrible place and so you should be scared all the time. That sounded like a lot to do in just thirty...

“Fine.” He ripped a ten note out of his stack and handed it over to the bank, which was the kid. He should’ve been the bank. Lesson one in Monopoly and life. You never let someone else control the money. His ex-wife had taught him that expensive...

I asked Uncle Albert one time if he ever got bored of wearing the exact same thing all the time. He said he figured out a long time ago what he liked, and he wasn’t very much interested in trying out other things to see if what he liked maybe wasn’t good...

Getting older sucked. Sure, it was better than the alternative. But that was just choosing a shit sandwich over a shittier sandwich. Anyone who told you otherwise was just trying to sell you something. Probably a medication that you were supposed to ask your doctor...

I didn’t know exactly how old that was because he always said that you were as young as your back was limber and your brain was curious.